Having viewed the ciritically acclaimed "The King's Speech" at the cinema today I decided to write a combative statement regarding old peoples suitability to cinema.
As soon as I walked in to the arena I knew something was wrong, there wasn't a scent of popcorn or hotdogs as I eagerly trundled towards the end of the tunnel where the demographic of the audience is revealed.
Much to my surprise the audience were all over 50 except 2 teens and myself. Seeing as it was Orange wednesday I expected the number of students to be increased, unofrtunately it seemed all of the old people homes in the area had arranged a mass gathering at the cinema to see something they could relate to.
The film was due to begin when the standard advert warning viewers to switch off their phones was aired, at that very moment a distinctive sound occurred. Much the same as if a swarm of locus were approaching you. 200 OAP's wipped out their Nokia brick phones from around 2001 , protected by dated leather covers and attached at the hip for maximum security. The murmurs of how to turn the phone off were ongoing for at least 5 minutes.
Ironically an advert promoting non-teen film viewings was played at this time, citing teen mobile phones as a detriment to the viewing of adults. The film projectionist must have had a sense of humour.
Anyway the biggest problem I have with OAP's attending the cinema is the bluntness of their wit. A simple humourous exchange takes an OAP at least 2 seconds to register in their head, eventually laughing. This response is cringeworthy and the cynic inside of me decided to restrain my laughter because I didn't want to laugh with the blundering old people.
Lastly some weird old woman was complaining of the swearing in the film stating it unnecessary. To be honest I think her presence at the film was also unnecessary as all she did was complain of her ailing hip. Maybe she should have tried the beany bags at the front, I hear they are quite comfortable.
In summary Old people stop calling it the pictures, come suitably prepared for swearing and sex (these are not taboo subjects anymore), wash, buy the appropriate food (not prawn sandwiches) and lastly don't complain about your injuries because nobody gives a fuck.
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